The passage we are looking at today is addressed to wives and husbands. Therefore, it seems appropriate to share a little bit of Christy and I’s journey in marriage with you in hopes that it will set the stage well for what the Lord wants to say to us this morning. Christy and I have been married for almost nineteen years now. For nearly two decades we have journeyed through the highways and the byways of life together. We have given a significant portion of our lives to raising seven children and all of those nineteen years have been given to serving the Lord in ministry together. But Christy and I did not meet each other nineteen years ago…

Christy and I met each other twenty-seven years ago in the summer of 1994 at the Pla-Mor Ballroom, a country western dance hall, in Lincoln Nebraska. The first time I laid eyes on Christy, she took my breathe away because I thought she was the hottest thing to ever get on the dance floor. I was so overcome with her beauty that it took me three or four weeks just to ask her to dance with me. Suffice it to say, I was head over heels in love with this girl from that moment on.

But the reality, as most of you know, is that the next eight years were anything but glorious. Neither one of us knew the Lord and both of us were trying to cope with previous years of unchecked sin that had taken its toll on our hearts and our lives. Simply put, both of us conducted ourselves in ways that were so devastating to one another that if you knew all the details… well, maybe the details would help to lift high the name of Jesus, who calls really broken sinners to himself and restores them through the message of the gospel.

The first eight years of Christy and I’s relationship was full of the devastating effects of sin. Despite being madly in love with each other, neither one of us was ready to serve each other in marriage. Over the course of those first eight years of our relationship we both engaged in several extramarital affairs, I was hooked on pornography and visiting strip clubs daily and to top it all off I was smoking as much weed and drinking as much alcohol as I could get my hands on.

The day that I began following Jesus was a sunny day in June of 2000 on the corner of 6th and Cornhusker highway in Lincoln, Nebraska, just two blocks down from the strip club that I used to frequent on a daily basis. On that street corner, the Lord saw fit to radically change my life when I pulled my motorcycle out in front of an SUV that was traveling 50mph.

The next thing I knew, I woke up in the middle of the street with a broken femur bone, broken ribs, broken collar bone and a left foot that was backwards. Long story short, the Lord spoke to me that day and I gave my life to him and never looked back. The years following that day were nothing short of a miracle. I woke up again that afternoon in the intensive care unit with my wife and my girlfriend both standing next to my bed with my four oldest daughters.

Over the next two years as I began to follow the Lord, Christy and I were divorced, she moved on to a different man and I tried to make things work with the girlfriend from the hospital room. The girlfriend from the hospital room became my wife for 6mos at the end of which she flipped me the bird and ran off with a dude who was twice her age.

During this time, Christy, tried several times to find her worth in the arms of other men and eventually had an emotional breakdown late one evening which opened the door for our oldest daughter to share the gospel with her, she began following Jesus in the Winter of 2001 and on October 18th, 2002 we were remarried and have been following Jesus together ever since. And one of the questions that we have constantly asked is: “How does God call us to conduct our lives as a husband and wife? What is the conduct of a godly husband and wife?” This is the question that Peter seeks to answer in the text before us this morning.

1 PETER 3:1 – 7

1Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – 4but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5For this how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. 7Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

WHAT IS THE CONDUCT OF A GODLY WIFE? (VSS. 1 – 6)

Now it’s important to note a few things in the context of 1 Peter before we look at how Peter answers this first question. First of all, it appears that Peter is concerned about the conduct of his listeners as they try to live out their Christian faith in a world that is hostile to godly values. 1 Peter 1:1 makes it clear that Peter’s listeners are living as outsiders in exile, they are scattered throughout the known region and they belong to God; this is the theme of the entire letter: Chosen by God; Living as an outcast of society; Scattered and lonely.

As chosen outsiders who are scattered and lonely, Peter wants his listeners to live in a manner that honors the God they claim to follow. Therefore, he says in 2:11 – 12 “Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. Keep your conduct among the Gentiles honorable, so that when they speak against you as evildoers, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day of visitation.” In other words, Peter wants his listeners to live godly lives so that those who are not Christians may be attracted to Jesus and may begin to follow him too.

But what does it look like to conduct our lives in a manner that honors the God we claim to follow? In 2:13 – 25, Peter instructs his listeners to use their freedom to submit to an evil government (2:13 – 17) and to submit to unjust employers (2:18 – 20) because this is what it looks like to follow in the footsteps of Jesus who was tortured and murdered by his enemies so that they would have the opportunity to become family (2:21 – 25).

Now that Peter has laid forth what it means to conduct our lives as citizens of a nation and employees with bosses, he now moves into the most intimate of relationships and lays forward what it looks like to be husbands and wives who conduct our lives in a manner that is worthy of the God we claim to follow. So, what is the conduct of a godly wife? Peter’s answer is that a godly wife practices submission, cultivates inner beauty and pays attention to godly role models.

#1: A GODLY WIFE PRACTICES SUBMISSION (VSS. 1 – 2)

The word “submission” doesn’t get a lot of air play in the culture today because it sounds belittling; far too many idiotic preachers have preached the principle of submission insensitively and unbiblically. My experience with so-called Christian men over the years have oftentimes left me shaking my head in absolute disgust because the man who loves to hold the Bible in one hand quoting this passage at his wife typically has his hand down his pants while consuming untold amounts of pornography or has his other hand around the throat of his wife as he abuses the woman that God gave to him. It should not be this way.

But I am comforted by the fact that if these men never arrive at repentance this side of Heaven, then they will arrive at the gates of hell with their teeth kicked in from a good old fashioned curb stomping (Ps. 3) and their knees broken by the iron scepter (Ps. 2:9) of our returning King who comes to avenge the abuse of the saints with his clothes drenched in blood, a sword for a tongue, lightning bolts for eyes, and a tattoo on his right thigh that rightly proclaims himself as the King of kings and the Lord of lords (Rev. 19:11 – 16). This is the comfort that godly women can look forward to if they have endured pain and suffering at the hands of abusive little boys with mustaches who love to call themselves men.

In light of all of this, and despite the abuse of the word submission, Peter carries on with his instructions on submission from the previous verses (2:13 – 25) and he instructs Godly wives to “be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” (3:1 – 2). A godly wife is not called to submit to her husband’s abuse or to ignore his sinful addictions or to compromise her own faith. A godly wife should submit to her husband’s leadership as far as possible and should not be constantly preaching at him but should seek to win him over by her own personal walk of purity and respect. So, Peter has in his mind the image of a godly wife who practices submission in all things that are respectful and pure but stands against anything that is filthy and sinful; the outcome might be that her husband begins to follow Jesus too.

#2: A GODLY WIFE CULTIVATES INNER BEAUTY (VSS. 3 – 4)

Women in Peter’s day and in our own day are constantly confronted with images of what the world around us says is beautiful. An hour-glass figure, large breasts, a tiny waistline, curvy hips, long flowing hair, impeccably tanned skin, clothing that accentuates the figure while revealing teasing portions of skin and jewelry that says “I am valuable” is the external adornment that the world promotes for a woman who is worthy of attention.

Peter is not against wearing clothing, makeup, jewelry or making your hair look good. He’s not necessarily concerned about the attention that a woman gets; he’s concerned about the attention that a woman pays to true beauty. This is why he says, “Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of the hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious” (3:3 – 4). In other words, a godly wife should pay just as much attention (if not more) to what God calls precious which is the cultivation of true beauty in a gentle and quiet spirit.

#3: A GODLY WIFE HAS GODLY ROLE MODELS (VSS. 5 – 6)

We all know that we become just like the people we surround ourselves with. We all look to someone that we admire or someone we envy, and we try to be just like them. But all too often, we don’t do the hard work of seeking out godly role models. So, Peter caps off his instructions on being a godly wife by reminding his listeners of a godly role model named Sarah when he says, “For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening” (3:5 – 6).

At first glance it makes sense that Peter would call up the image of Sarah for his listeners. In Israel’s history, Sarah is known as one of the Matriarchs of the nation; a woman who was very much the hero of the Israelite women. But if you go back and study the life of Sarah, especially the time she called Abraham her master (Gen. 18) you’ll find Sarah in her weakness laughing in disbelief at her husband (and ultimately the Lord) as she hears God’s promise to give them a son in their old age.

But even in this moment of weakness, Sarah proves herself to be a godly wife who submits to her husband and ultimately submits to the Lord after the Lord confronts her for her disbelief. The moral of the story is that even in her sinful weakness Sarah submits to Abraham because of her ultimate trust in the Lord. This is the kind of role model that Peter has in mind for the wives he is addressing. If these women are to continue becoming godly wives whose conduct honors the Lord as they practice submission and cultivate inner beauty, then they will need a role model worth emulating and they don’t need a perfect role model; they need an imperfect role model who trusts in the Lord despite what lies in front of them.

WHAT IS THE CONDUCT OF A GODLY HUSBAND? (VS. 7)

I already laid it on the line earlier when I spoke about little boys with mustaches who love to call themselves men while holding the Bible over their wife’s heads with one hand while the other hand is wrapped around their wife’s neck or shoved down their pants while consuming pornography. So, I’ve already painted the negative image that every one of us probably need to repent of at some point or the other.

But repentance means making a U-turn on the road of life. Repentance means to come to grips with our sin in light of the suffering of Jesus at the cross on our behalf and then turning with our newfound freedom in obedience to the commands of Scripture as the Holy Spirit enables us to. In this case, Peter says that a godly husband must work to understand his wife, to show honor to his wife and to pray with his wife.

#1: A GODLY HUSBAND WORKS TO UNDERSTAND HIS WIFE

When Peter says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way” (3:7) he implies that a husband is called to do life with his wife. Marriage is not about cohabitation with benefits in the bedroom; it’s about doing life together. Life is hard work and whoever said that a woman is hard to understand was on to something because if a woman was easy to understand then no man would ever rise to the challenge of what Peter is saying here.

The call for a husband to work hard to understand his wife can only be pursued in a God honoring way if that man has surrendered to the pursuit of Jesus on his own life. No man will continue in any kind of sustained pursuit of actually understanding his wife’s emotions, needs, dreams and desires unless he has encountered the Savior who laid down his life in pursuit of his own rotten sin-filled life. Men: one of the best battlefields you can wage war on, is the battlefield of understanding your wife’s heart as you spend intentional time listening to her and asking good questions without trying to fix her. This is why Peter says that a Godly husband works to understand his wife.

#2: A GODLY HUSBAND SHOWS HONOR TO HIS WIFE

The culture around us is ripe with a value that belittles and sexualizes women for the personal pleasure of a man. And somehow or another, the world around us has twisted its version of femininity and masculinity into some ugly image of the beer guzzling, muscular man with a beard and a flannel who gets the attention of the barely clothed model crossing the street. This image has more to do with sexual impulses than a lifelong commitment of loving sacrifice and honor.

Showing honor is what Peter expects of a godly husband. This is why he says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life” (3:7). When Peter says that the woman is the weaker vessel, he does not mean that a woman is inferior in any way. This is proven when he refers to women as being mutual partakers of God’s invaluable grace.

It’s almost as though Peter is saying “honor your wife as a mutual recipient of God’s saving grace even though she may be physically smaller than you.” At the end of the day, a godly husband will show honor to his wife because he understands that she needs Jesus just as much he does; she has been saved by the same precious broken body and shed blood that has saved him.

When a man realizes that his wife is part of the bride of Christ (an image used to describe every Christian collectively) then that man will do everything possible to show honor to the woman who is part of the bride of his own Savior.

#3: A GODLY HUSBAND PRAYS WITH HIS WIFE

When Peter says, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered” (3:7), he is implying that husbands are expected to pray with and for their wives and that if they follow his instructions their prayers will not be hindered.

This is not a blanket promise. We all know that God does not answer every prayer we pray in the way that we would like him to this side of Heaven. But the implication still remains that husbands should pray with their wives and I think that the only thing that will motivate a man to do this is once again is the image of Jesus who intercedes in prayer for us in the presence of the Father despite our constant rebellion against him. Men: pray with your wife as you work to understand her and show her the honor she deserves as a mutual recipient of God’s grace.

CONCLUSION

The instruction of this passage is clear. Wives: Practice submission, cultivate inner beauty and pay attention to godly role models. Husbands: Work to understand your wife, show her honor and pray with her. Seems simple and true enough but the problem for all of us is that we all sin and we fall short of God’s expectations.

Wives: Have you found yourself being unreasonably argumentative when you should practice submission? Have you become more enamored with cultivating external beauty than inward character? Have you allowed your heart to envy or become jealous of some other woman that seems more beautiful or desirable than you?

Husbands: Have you traded the hard work of understanding your wife for the hard work of earning a paycheck or hard work of recreation and play? Have you let yourself slip into living with your wife like friends with benefits in the bedroom? When was the last time you prayed with your wife in an understanding and honoring way?

Failure to live up to these expectations is what the Bible calls sin. But thankfully we have a Savior named Jesus who offers forgiveness for that sin, salvation from the consequences of that sin and strength to overcome that sin by conducting ourselves in a manner that honors the God we claim to follow. This Jesus loves you more than you can comprehend and his power to rescue and to transform is more than you could ever imagine.

This is the Jesus that Christy and I met nearly twenty-one years ago on a street corner after a near death accident and in a bathtub after another relationship fell apart. It’s by God’s grace that we serve him today. And it’s through the power of a bloody cross in the doorway of an empty tomb in light of the promise of the hope of Heaven that we can conduct ourselves as husbands and wives in a manner that is worthy of the God we claim to follow. – Amen!

1 Unless otherwise specified, all Bible references in this paper are to the English Standard Version Bible, The New Classic Reference Edition (ESV) (Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, 2001).