I have a question for you: Who do you trust to help you when you need it the most?And when do you think that you are the most in need of help? Is it only when you need help moving from one house to the next or getting some bills paid? Or do you enjoy the kind of friendship that grows out of the fertile soil of speaking truth in courageous love, confronting sin boldly, and proclaiming grace and forgiveness as a fresh drink of water? Do you have this kind of friendship?

I am absolutely convinced that one of the hallmarks of a healthy church family is that it is a spiritual community that is devoted to helping one another like friends do. Another way to say this is that the proof of a healthy spiritual community is its unwavering commitment to help one another sacrificially and courageously when the going gets tough. Still, another way to say this is to say that a healthy church family is a community that practices gospel centered friendship.

         So, I ask again, who do you really trust to help you when you need it the most? Who are the friends that will come through in your darkest hour? Who are the friends that will confront you in your sin, remind you of Christ’s work on your behalf, not let you live in isolation, help you carry the load when things get to heavy, hold you accountable for carrying your own weight of responsibility, and share all things – gospel and practical – with you on a daily basis? Who are your true spiritual friends right now?

If you do not have this kind of spiritual family or this kind of spiritual friendship, is it really all their fault because they’re not caring enough for you or mature enough for you, or is your posture in the room like that of someone who does not need someone to care for you, even though you silently or not so silently lament the absence of true spiritual friends? Who is in your circle of true spiritual friendship and if your circle is virtually non-existent, then why is it so anemic – like that of a bulimic person who continues to purge themselves of the nutrition they really need while blaming their purges on everything and everyone around them?

I find it interesting and sometimes honestly frustrating when I clearly see the lack of spiritual friendship among the church today. It grieves me to see that the vision that God has for his spiritual family – in terms of what I call gospel centered friendships – and to see that this vision has not taken root among many of the hearts and minds of God’s people.

It is as though, we are like children, feasting on sugary foods while complaining that there are no healthy foods to eat even though the cabinet is stock full of nutritious items that take some effort, some commitment, and some sacrifice to produce a fine and nutritious meal. One commentator describes this kind of anemic spiritual community this way, when he says:

         “Unfortunately, Christians do not always offer sinners very good treatment [in spiritual community]. Sometimes we ignore sin. Lacking the courage to confront it, we simply pretend it isn’t there. We act like timid medical students who see a patient with a bone fragment sticking out of his arm, but we are afraid to touch it. The bone is never set, and the wound never heals. Sometimes Christians notice the broken bone of sin, but never get past making a diagnosis. They simply stand around talking about what bad shape the sinner is in. ‘Wow,’ people say, ‘would you look at that broken bone! I mean, just look at the way it’s sticking out! Boy, am I glad I don’t have a fracture like that!’ Meanwhile, the brother or sister continues in the pains of sin. This kind of treatment is better known as gossip. Sadly, there are even times when Christians condemn sinners, blaming them (or even punishing them) for needing to go to the spiritual emergency room in the first place. They treat them like outcasts, harshly scolding them for being spiritually out of joint and apparently forgetting that they themselves are sinners in need of grace. When Christians are caught in sin, they do not need isolation or amputation; they need restoration. The proper thing to do is to help them confess their sins and find forgiveness in Christ, and then welcome them back into the fellowship [friendship] of the church [the spiritual community].”2

         This commentator – with surgical precision – painfully describes some of the unhealthiness in the Western church today. It saddens me to see such a resistance and a lack of prioritization among God’s people as it pertains to engaging in true spiritual friendship. It is almost as though God’s people do not have the stomach or the patience or the spiritual fortitude to prioritize the value of true spiritual friendship. It seems like we have bought into the fast paced, pluralistic mindset of the culture where we get a little Sunday Gathering action sometimes, and then we enjoy surface level friendships outside the church family, or we do not have any friendships at all because we are too self-interested to practice the hallmarks of true spiritual friendship.

         Lest you begin to think that I am merely going off on my own tangent regarding true community in the church, I would push back on you by saying that this is exactly what Paul is talking about in our text today; he is talking about the hallmarks of true spiritual friendship. You may even notice the presence of the phrase “one another” finds its way into the text three different times (5:26, 6:2) and the overall theme of correcting other believers and helping them in times of need. Rest assured; Paul is talking about true friendship in these verses.

He is not talking about the kind of friendship that is characterized by ewy gooey feelings, or the kind of friendship that is based on similar hobbies, or even the kind of friendship that is based on mutual experiences or compatibility. Paul is talking about the kind of spiritual friendship where the gospel of Jesus Christ is on full display as spiritual friends “restore one another from sin (6:1), bear one another’s burdens (6:2), consider others more important (6:3 – 5), and share with one another (6:6).3

This kind of spiritual friendship is the vision that God has for his church family. The question is, will you embrace it? Or will you make excuses for not having it while complaining about not, having it? How convinced are you about the biblical mandate for practicing true spiritual friendship with your church family? Is this an area of your spiritual life where you will practice true repentance or will you nod your head and go about business as usual? Before you answer those questions, let us look at the hallmarks of what it means to be a true spiritual friend. Look at the text with me…

5:25If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another. 6:1Brothers, if anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. 2Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. 3For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. 5For each will have to bear his own load. 6Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches.

#1: SPIRIT-FILLED FRIENDSHIP (5:25 – 26)

The first hallmark of what it means to be a spiritual friend is this: True spiritual friends practice Spirit-filled friendship with one another. It is interesting to note that immediately after describing the spiritual fruit of those who belong to Christ, Paul begins to instruct us on how we are to live with one another in spiritual community.

He literally ties “living by the Spirit” and “keeping in step with the Spirit” with how we treat one another as spiritual friends when he says in verses 25 – 26 of chapter 5, “If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” The reality here is this: True spiritual friends practice Spirit – filled friendship.

Paul sees spiritual friendship as something that is the non-negotiable outcome of being led by and living by the direction of the Holy Spirit. Are you being led by the Holy Spirit into deeper spiritual friendship with other brothers and sisters around you? Or are you resisting the Spirit of God because you have your list of excuses (i.e. you’re too busy, they’re too immature, you’re too shy, or they’re too loud, etc., etc.).

It is the Holy Spirit who leads us and guides us into deeper spiritual friendship and that friendship should be characterized by selflessness and mutual trust. Spiritual friendship should be sacrificial and committed; it should cost you something and there should be no question about your commitment to your friends. Conceit or self – centeredness and envy or jealousy have no place among God’s people; especially among those who call each other friends.

Our spiritual friendships should be full of the fruit of the Spirit and that fruit is actually what sets the table as we look at what Paul says next about practicing gentle correction and restoration of other believers who struggle with sin.

#2: GENTLE CORRECTION AND RESTORATION (6:1)

Our second principle regarding spiritual friendship is this: True spiritual friends practice gentle correction and restoration with one another. When was the last time you looked someone square in the eye and confronted them for their sin with gentleness as well as a desire to see them restored like a broken bone being put back in its place?4

Another good question to ask is this: When was the last time you practiced gentle correction of someone else’s sin while openly and humbly articulating your own struggle with sin and your need to be confronted by your spiritual friends as well? Do you even have friendships that could be characterized this way? If you do not, then what is the barrier to you practicing obedience to the principles of this passage and finding yourself a true spiritual friend where both of you can practice the teaching of this passage together? If you do find the courage and conviction to do this, I would caution you not to fall into some sort of false friendship.

Paul foresees a kind of false friendship where everything is rainbows and unicorns, and no one practices gentle restoration because everyone has blinders over their eyes and weakness in their hearts, so the broken bones never get mended. I think he also foresees another kind of false friendship where no one practices gentle restoration – everyone lives out of joint spiritually speaking – because everyone or someone is unnecessarily harsh and impatient with other sinners even though God has extended so much grace and patience to each of us. Which one do you tend towards? Blinders or judgment? What would it look like to practice repentance and pursue lasting change in this area?

To correct these kinds of false friendships within the church, Paul says in verse 1 of chapter 6, “Brothers, if anyone is caught in a transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep[ing] watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”True spiritual friends practice gentle correction and restoration with one another. You cannot have this kind of spiritual friendship if you never engage people around you with a heart to see them gently restored or to have them gently restore you. You either care less about their spiritual health or you enjoy (deceptively) pretending like you need no help with your spiritual health.

The reality is that this work – this kind of friendship that gently corrects and restores – is meant for those who are spiritual (as Paul says here) and it begs the question that if you are not willing to be in this kind of reciprocal relationship, then are you really a spiritual friend to anyone or is anyone really a spiritual friend to you? Have you not laid hold of the truth that Jesus is the best spiritual friend you could ever have? Why wouldn’t that truth motivate you to pursue becoming more like him in this area of your life?

I think it is kind of a hateful thing – a hatred of self and a hatred of others – to resist this kind of friendship because it communicates that you do not care about someone who is struggling in their sin, and you do not want anyone’s help with recovering from your own sin. You are happy (or deluded) pretending that everything is just fine, or you are happy with condemning people when they are not fine even though you never communicate that you need someone because you think you’re fine.

What is needed here, is for each of us to honestly evaluate whether or not we have prioritized humble, selfless, sacrifice as the hallmarks of spiritual friendship because that is exactly where Paul goes next.

#3: HUMBLE, SELFLESS, SACRIFICE (6:2 – 3)

The third hallmark of true spiritual friendship is this: True spiritual friends practice humble, selfless, sacrifice. This is why Paul says in verses 2 – 3, that we are to “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself.” I don’t know about you, but I certainly do not want to live in spiritual deception while thinking I am better than I really am. I really do not want to live with the blinding lie that says that I am better than I really am or that someone younger in their faith is not equipped to walk with me in my darkest hour of need – especially as I struggle against the powers of Satan, Sin, and Death.

If I always come into the room of friendships as the guy who always has it all together or the guy who knows it all or the guy who is here to fix all that is wrong with you, then I will live in the deception and isolation of thinking I am better than I really am, and I must be better than you. In doing this, I will fail to fulfill the law of Christ which is to love one another as we carry one another’s burdens – especially the burdens that are too hard to carry alone.

Why would I settle for anything less than a room full of other men and women who have the courage to speak up and to not remain silent as it pertains to humbly, selflessly, and sacrificially sharing our burdens with one another? Why would I settle for less? I would only settle for less if I have lost sight of the image of Jesus as my perfect friend and Savior and I will live in deception, thinking that I am better than them, or better than I really am. This kind of deception is full of a lack of personal responsibility, which is exactly where Paul goes next with his instructions on practicing true spiritual friendship.

#4: PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY (6:4 – 5)

The fourth hallmark of true spiritual friendship is this: True spiritual friends practice personal responsibility. Verses 4 – 5 appear to contradict verse two in regard to carrying one another’s burdens but the reality is that Paul has two different kinds of burden in mind as the language of the original text shows. In these verses, Paul uses two very different words that are both interpreted loosely as “bear one another’s” (v. 2) and “bear his own load” (v. 5) but the first instance is a burden that is too heavy to humanly carry alone, while the second instance is a burden that is a normal human responsibility to carry on your own.5

In this second use of the word referring to bearing our own load is where we find the principle that in true spiritual friendship, each person must practice personal responsibility. This is how Paul says it in verses 4 – 5, “But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each will have to bear his own load.” Can you hear the ring of the importance of personal responsibility in friendship?

Nothing erodes spiritual friendship quite like a lack of personal responsibility. When the friend always runs late or does not answer your text messages or does not return your phone calls or rarely shows up to study the Bible and pray with you or bebops in and out of a Sunday Gathering a few times per year or takes no responsibility for their own spiritual disciplines, or practical disciplines, or relational disciplines… this is when spiritual friendship erodes because someone refuses to hold themselves accountable to being personally responsible for the normal burdens that every human must bear on their own.

One of the most beautiful pictures of personal responsibility in spiritual friendship is the image of a man who was so wealthy that he didn’t need anything from anyone and could have lived in total isolation from the rest of humanity while watching the evening news and lamenting the impoverished state of affairs around the world.

This man did not need friendships. In fact, friendship with anyone would seem beneath him in every way since he had all he needed already. But he chose to leave his home and travel to the most remote and darkest portions of the earth to pay the debt of poor people and welcome them into friendship with him.

Oftentimes he was so worn out from his labor of love in making friends that he had to withdraw to spend time with his dad so that he had the resources to be a true spiritual friend., Sound familiar? This man is Jesus, the best spiritual friend you could ever have, who practiced personal responsibility for being a true spiritual friend to all who came his way. We could learn a lot from Jesus about being true spiritual friends who practice personal responsibility in our friendships.

#5: GENEROUS HUMILITY (6:6)

The final hallmark of true spiritual friendship is this: True spiritual friends practice generous humility. When Paul wraps up these verses in verse 6 by saying “Let the one who is taught the word share all good things with the one who teaches” he is alluding to the truth that spiritual friendship should be characterized by generous humility.

First of all, it is a humble thing to ask your friends to teach you the Word of God and to actually listen to them regardless of their spiritual age so that you can hear from God through them. Secondly, Paul sees the threat of merely using each other for some kind of benefit (in this case the benefit of learning what God says in his Word) and then not practicing reciprocal investment like the good consumers we really are.

The bottom line here is this, if we are to be true spiritual friends to one another, we must practice humility by taking the posture of a learner and then we must practice generosity by taking the posture of an investor.

CONCLUSION…

         In conclusion, I asked these questions at the beginning of this message. Will you embrace the biblical vision from this text for spiritual friendship? Or will you make excuses for not having it while complaining about not, having it? How convinced are you about this biblical mandate for practicing true spiritual friendship with your church family? Is this an area of your spiritual life where you will practice true repentance, or will you nod your head and go about business as usual?

         I am personally really grateful that Jesus never nodded his head in agreement and then walked out the door and did something different. Although I do not always get this spiritual friendship thing right, I am really grateful for the kind of true friend Jesus has been to me in his work at the cross and the empty tomb and in the promise of heaven and in giving me his Spirit so that I might follow him by the power of his Spirit as I work to be a true spiritual friend to others.

         One thing I have learned over the years is that I will not become a true spiritual friend or seek out true spiritual friends if I keep living in the diagnosis of my shortcomings or trying to just pull myself up by the bootstraps. The only thing that has produced lasting change in me in this area of following Jesus is when I actually follow Jesus by focusing on him.

         When I look at Jesus as my true spiritual friend, I see him following the Spirit to the cross on my behalf. I hear his voice constantly correcting me gently so that I can be more and more restored as the days go along. I see his humility at the cross on my behalf as he was shamed, ridiculed, and ultimately murdered on my behalf in his selfless sacrifice. I see a Savior who practiced personal responsibility as he never leaves me or forsakes me, and his generous humility is limitless as his grace and mercy and forgiveness abounds over my constant struggle with sin.

         When I get my eyes locked on Jesus as the best friend any of us could ever have, I find his Spirit moving me to practice Spirit-filled friendship with other sinners from all walks of life. I find the Spirit enabling me to practice gentle correction with others out of love and concern for seeing them fully restored – put back into place like a broken bone. I find the Spirit helping me to humbly, selflessly, sacrifice for the sake of my brothers and sisters in Christ, knowing that I am no better than they are. I find the Spirit motivating and empowering me to be responsible for my personal lifestyle so that I can model Christlike friendship to others. And I am moved to continue investing in others even as I humble myself like Christ to receive from them regardless of their lot in life.

         Don’t hear me wrong, I do not always get this right and I fail often. But I am grateful for the host of spiritual friends that I have because they are gifts of grace from the Lord. I honestly do not know where I would be if the Lord had not given me so many true spiritual friends or if I had given into the spiritual pride that so often plagues me.

My prayer for all of us is that we would find refuge and friendship in the shadow of Christ’s bloody cross, in the wide-open doorway of that empty tomb, and in the bright light of his promise of eternity. Out of that friendship with Christ, my prayer is that we would all do the hard and diligent work of cultivating deep spiritual friendships with others in this body that we call The Well. – Amen!

1 Unless otherwise specified, all Bible references in this paper are to the English Standard Version Bible, The New Classic Reference Edition (ESV) (Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers, 2001).

2 Philip, Graham, Ryken, Galatians, Reformed Expository Commentary, (Phillipsburg, NJ: P&R Publishing Company, 2005), 245 – 246.

3 Ibid., 244.

4 Ibid., 245.

5 Ibid., 252.