Rest

Right off the bat I have to admit that I’m not the best with rest. I’m a worker and an extrovert and my emotional position or identity within my family growing up was developed within a hard working, perfectionistic, survival mode of operation.

Growing up, my mom was a single parent and we lived in an old white farm house, seven miles down a country road just outside Lincoln, NE. We had horses, chickens, ducks, geese, rabbits, dogs, cats, an occasional peacock and even some salamanders. So our mornings began before the sun came up and ended long after the sun went down because there were so many other living things to care for.

Added to all of the living creatures was the fact that we lived in an old farm house that was built in the late 1800’s and it hadn’t been updated very well by our landlord so the plumbing was constantly broken, we heated it by burning wood in an old coal stove, there was no air conditioning and instead of a shower it had an ancient claw foot iron tub for baths. The driveway was long and instead of pavement it was covered in large white rock and our spacious yard was lined on either side by trees and carpeted in a variety of weeds.

My mom was an extroverted, perfectionistic worker too. She believed hard work developed strong character, something I still believe deeply today. We worked hard to gather hay bales into the barn for winter, cut and split firewood to fill our basement cellar for the winter, cut weeds with knives, scissors and hatchets, clean out horse stalls, feed livestock, repair plumbing and stay up all night guarding livestock from predators with loaded guns and steel bear traps. This was to a large extent the rhythms that developed my soul’s sense of belonging and being as I grew up.

I have an amazing wife who grew up in a completely different environment and has a completely different subset of hard wiring. She’s a hard worker, don’t hear me wrong. She works full time, cares for our family, handles our finances, plans and makes meals, practices great listening, keeps our home presentable and the laundry done. But she’s an in the moment person and she’s super introverted and she finds it much easier than I do to understand that task lists being completed today aren’t the most important part of our existence. She finds it much easier than I do to kick back and relax.

Now here’s a real clincher, Christy and I have seven children who are always on the move and we’ve been in vocational ministry now for over 13 years, five of those being devoted to planting a church here in Hastings, NE. Now insert my strongly developed desire to work hard and complete tasks and you have a recipe for what I’ll call a resting disaster. In other words, I like to get stuff done but in my roles as a husband, a father and a church planting pastor… stuff never gets done, at least to the point of being able to check it off my list of tasks.

So what does a guy with my wiring and developmental experience do when faced with the litany of lists of things that I can’t get done? Work harder! Yeah, that’s how broken I am! Work harder at getting things done that’ll never get done until we see the light of Heaven. Makes sense right?! Can you tell how sick I really am when it comes to this balance of working from a rested standpoint?

Now insert the word rest again. My soul needs rest like my 4×4 needs fuel. Simple as that. But what do I often do? Trade the rest I need for the perceived justification and satisfaction that I’ll get by accomplishing something that is unaccomplishable by any human. I trade the restful fuel my soul so desperately needs for the burden of the task list that becomes more like cancer in my bones.

The good news here for me is that I serve the God of Heaven and Earth who created all things and sustains all things and is the fixer of all broken things. Things are not yet what they will be. God could reach down and fix every broken thing right now. But he doesn’t. I think the reason for that is because it is in the broken and unfixed things of this life that he calls me to rest in his presence, trusting that he ultimately will bring everything to completion one day. This is the hope of Heaven right?! This is the renewal that takes place in my soul when I rest in his presence, bringing nothing but myself and my unfinished, uncompleted task lists of broken things to him because at the top of that task list is my name.

I am unfinished. A work in progress. An incomplete vessel. A broken person in repair. A beat up ship that is meant to sail the high seas with guns a blazing. No amount of fixing others or completing uncompletable tasks or super man cape wearing high flying adventures or answers given or sermons preached or counseling sessions nailed or money in the bank or yard perfected or children raised or church grown or disciples made will ever satisfy the longing of my soul to be accepted and loved completely quite like hearing my Heavenly Father say, “You are my son and I am completing you so rest while I work”.

So, If I am to stay fueled up for the journey ahead, I must stay deeply connected to the presence of Him who is in the business of completing His task list within the heart and soul of this yet-to-be complete son. I must practice rhythms of rest and renewal daily as I come into my Father’s perfect presence until the anxiety and churning within the storms of my soul subside so that I can operate and work from a place of rest as a limited individual relying on the unlimited supply of the power of my Father’s presence.

“My son, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Let them not escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh. Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. – Proverbs 4:20 – 27

“Come to me, all of you who work hard and are carrying heavy loads and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matthew 11:28 – 30